GRATS! Introducing the Magelock!

As World of Warcraft: Cataclysm nears, I find myself pondering what things we can expect not already announced by the folks at Blizzard.

Will there be any cool new features that will shock us on release? Let’s hope so.

As I while away the time waiting, I’ve come up with a list of “blue sky” features that I can almost guarantee will NOT be in the expansion. These are completely fake and preposterous notions brewed up in my mind whilst playing in WoW.

So humour me as I present to you my:

TOP 10 MOST UNLIKELY FEATURES of CATACLYSM:

1. A new hero class will be introduced: Magelock – combining the abilities of Mage and Warlock into one class. The rivalries can now cease!
2. The new Worgen dance emote will be from Teen Wolf
3. The new Goblin dance emote will be the break dancing
4. All variations of the name “Quark” will be banned for Goblins
5. All variations of the name “Jacob” will be banned for Worgen
6. A new style of PVP and guild housing will be introduced called Guild vs Guild (GvG) where rival guilds can attack each others’ guild home base.
7. If a player gets kicked from a PUG three times in a single day, their character will have a large “L” hover over their head for the rest of the day.
8. Paladins will be nerfed, just for kicks.
9. Pandaren Monks will be introduced into the game, but you’ll need to have a level 80 of each class to unlock it, but damn will it be worth it!
10. If you unlock the Pandaren Monk, the game will automatically shut down and the following message will appear every time you try to log back in:

“You have completed this game, now go get some damn sunshine”

- Rackham